Greetings Everyone :)

Maxx wrote: I am in awe at the programming that is happening to diminish your ability.  

I'm not sure I understand what you meant by that. Did you mean me specifically or people in general? And by programming, I assume you mean the general norms and brainwashing?

Maxx wrote: It appears you have not taken the time to experience that.  And it does take some time to get to that point.  Some people are not able to expend the effort today.  I understand.

I'm not sure what *your* abilities are, but I think you may be making some assumptions about me. I have tried very hard. I have longed for it all my life. To get back what I thought I lost as a child. To become what I am.

If I have failed so far, it's because there was no teacher, there was no guidance. If anything, I have the feeling there was a faction of entities that were *against* my spiritual growth.

I admire people who have done it on their own, and have survived. But it seems I am not any good to myself on my own. Why do you think I am depressed? I am like a fish out of water. I don't belong here.

First, you completely chose to confront everything you experience in your life before you entered it.  It is your selection.

when I say "you" I mean everyone in general.

Generally speaking, magic is mostly a part time experience for most people that dabble.  Very few will be consumed with the concept of living it as their main issue in life...  but that is where one finds fantastic results.  At that point it can be said that "living in two worlds" becomes a reality.

Maxx wrote: First, you completely chose to confront everything you experience in your life before you entered it.  It is your selection.  

Perhaps this is true, perhaps it is not. I am done with blind faith.   

I guess I'll have to see for myself, won't I?

I think you will find the book "initiation" by Elisabeth Haich of interest.   you can get it free at scribd.com.

Thank you for the suggestion, Maxx. It looked interesting, so I ordered it on abe books. I'm still old fashioned when it comes to reading. I like actual books