What am I and how should I awaken?

Excuse or ask me to delete if this post is not acceptable.

I know very little.

I will start by saying, I’m unsure what I was born.
Though I could say much about my differences from others throughout all of my life.

My revilations, my sight, came from Christianity in a powerful experience that lasted a few weeks.

I saw a dove at my forgiveness, I spoke to a man warning me of the sickness, sadness, and power structure of the world, and who was a coyote (I do not understand these things yet) sadly, I asked him if he knew the way to the edge of the city.

I was torn by hooks, I had my rib pulled to my lover in unreal pain, I saw signs everywhere I looked, I heard them speak and the jinn that taught me strength. I know the serpent inside me most well of anything, willing to reach all but my head.

The visions started with Jesus, then soon became twisted, and soon I was murdering in my head with flashes of light.
Then it was the 7, that entered my home, a heavenly given home I believe, and I laid willing on the stone table. My love cutting open my chest like a true sacrifice.
They drank from me, all the ones I know now.

I knew also before, now sadly to me, the beauty of the Holy Spirit.

I first knew the letters, then backward and such I believe, then few other ways and changing of letters.

I then new and could speak the words of others but not hear, but I heard once for a time, all around as I turned my head.

I know, as of now, I am in purgatory, if not deeper already in hell.
Though, before I came here I knew I was something of the kind. Hungry.
Wolf or vampire.

Though I was bitten, and was something before that. Though also I am called other things such as najin or a naga.
To be of creation or distraction? Why I do not know.

I am Aquarius, Capricorn, and some say Sagittarius is linked strongly as well. My most hungry unfearing.

I have been drawn to the gods of death, though I know there is one true above all.
Such as Anubis, oya, Lucifer, and Satan and the shatan.

On to what I know of myself-

I desire for flesh and blood, somtimes very strongly, and wish to divert my eyes from those I don’t want to imagine on.
I get satisfaction from being around healthy people, imagining on them, or leaving myself to do so in the streets from safety (though I try not to anymore as I realize this error).
I know my eyes in a way but not well, as I have weak inner sight.
I knew my “arms” as some type of tentacles, as wisps stealing life and energy from that which was around me.
The birds are bothering me of this moment.
I know heightened strength like that from better youth.
The piano draws me likd voice, the last thing that makes me feel living, though this may be that it is natural to me all my life to love, but it is the music that dose not lull but lightens me, I feel my hunger but it does not have for meed of the beautiful one behind it.
I knew my sense of smell well for a time.

For a while I drank of myself but found it unsatisfactory quickly.

These things and more.
Please message me if you know much about demons as well, as I have made mistakes with them.
Also, one that has been with me from being only a baby, sadly I must say.

This is no cry for help, but it is an asking for guidance.
I am not afraid, of anything but that what I am at times, and what some lead me to believe is “awakening”, as if true, I choose a near death by beating over such.
Sorry for my speak here, but I must say, I do not approve of “nurses” and “dr.s”.

There are meany experiences, I might share.

Thank you for reading.
Please send me any places to start, I have already found a book here that I will be purchasing.

Thank you.

Ravendiadem9 wrote:I have been drawn to the gods of death, though I know there is one true above all.
Such as Anubis, oya, Lucifer, and Satan and the shatan.

Satan isn't really a god of death, he's the god of egregores.
In other words, there is no Satan. He's a religious invention although often adopted by modern edgelords.

excuse my calling Lucifer a god of death.

Sure I can be edgy sometimes, it’s just a momentary thing I need to learn to control better.

Im asking opinions.
As I know this comes from the kind, and I likely was a sexual/energetic type all my life.
I have much more and less “edgy” stuff I could share. Though I see study and not sharing these things is of greater use of my time.

Only recently realized my reasoning for the other desire all my life.

I should have better thought my writing.

You mentioned that you found a book. What book are you studying?

A little guidance tru the dance of time:

Not every home is a castle
Beggars need to eat
Give a smile, some love and care
Lets lift yourself to loverslane
Where hunger meets its will.

When one awakens from their sleep, there are many vital, intricate physical and invisible processes whose conversation between one another allows for the consciousness to gain awareness. I look to the trees.

mea culpa...

Ravendiadem9 wrote:Excuse or ask me to delete if this post is not acceptable.

I know very little.

I will start by saying, I’m unsure what I was born.
Though I could say much about my differences from others throughout all of my life.

My revilations, my sight, came from Christianity in a powerful experience that lasted a few weeks.

I saw a dove at my forgiveness, I spoke to a man warning me of the sickness, sadness, and power structure of the world, and who was a coyote (I do not understand these things yet) sadly, I asked him if he knew the way to the edge of the city.

I was torn by hooks, I had my rib pulled to my lover in unreal pain, I saw signs everywhere I looked, I heard them speak and the jinn that taught me strength. I know the serpent inside me most well of anything, willing to reach all but my head.

The visions started with Jesus, then soon became twisted, and soon I was murdering in my head with flashes of light.
Then it was the 7, that entered my home, a heavenly given home I believe, and I laid willing on the stone table. My love cutting open my chest like a true sacrifice.
They drank from me, all the ones I know now.

I knew also before, now sadly to me, the beauty of the Holy Spirit.

I first knew the letters, then backward and such I believe, then few other ways and changing of letters.

I then new and could speak the words of others but not hear, but I heard once for a time, all around as I turned my head.

I know, as of now, I am in purgatory, if not deeper already in hell.
Though, before I came here I knew I was something of the kind. Hungry.
Wolf or vampire.

Though I was bitten, and was something before that. Though also I am called other things such as najin or a naga.
To be of creation or distraction? Why I do not know.

I am Aquarius, Capricorn, and some say Sagittarius is linked strongly as well. My most hungry unfearing.

I have been drawn to the gods of death, though I know there is one true above all.
Such as Anubis, oya, Lucifer, and Satan and the shatan.

On to what I know of myself-

I desire for flesh and blood, somtimes very strongly, and wish to divert my eyes from those I don’t want to imagine on.
I get satisfaction from being around healthy people, imagining on them, or leaving myself to do so in the streets from safety (though I try not to anymore as I realize this error).
I know my eyes in a way but not well, as I have weak inner sight.
I knew my “arms” as some type of tentacles, as wisps stealing life and energy from that which was around me.
The birds are bothering me of this moment.
I know heightened strength like that from better youth.
The piano draws me likd voice, the last thing that makes me feel living, though this may be that it is natural to me all my life to love, but it is the music that dose not lull but lightens me, I feel my hunger but it does not have for meed of the beautiful one behind it.
I knew my sense of smell well for a time.

For a while I drank of myself but found it unsatisfactory quickly.

These things and more.
Please message me if you know much about demons as well, as I have made mistakes with them.
Also, one that has been with me from being only a baby, sadly I must say.

This is no cry for help, but it is an asking for guidance.
I am not afraid, of anything but that what I am at times, and what some lead me to believe is “awakening”, as if true, I choose a near death by beating over such.
Sorry for my speak here, but I must say, I do not approve of “nurses” and “dr.s”.

There are meany experiences, I might share.

Thank you for reading.
Please send me any places to start, I have already found a book here that I will be purchasing.

Thank you.

I'd say you are suffering from some form of mental illness as well lad. If you think drinking your own blood satiates your hunger, (experienced peeps, correct me if I'm wrong) but thats just recycling your same energy so im very sure that this is just another edgy teen post. sure you could be a vampyre but if you read any books you'd know that blood is often not even drank more than once by like literally 99% of living Vampyres.