The Urge Never Goes Away

by Dextradomis 24.01.21 7:52

It's been years since I've taken vampirism seriously, half a decade if not more. I thought it was just a phase, a fad of my teenage years. Something to forget about as an embarrassing moment of my early life. I stopped searching for others, stopped feeding, avoiding the topic when ever possible. It's now my personal little secret, buried in the back of my mind, hoping it never crops up into my conscious thoughts. Over the years I've had moments where the urge to feed comes out of no where, taking over my mind and washing away all of my other thoughts for a minute, before disappearing for another couple of months. It's hard to control though, it's like I must feed, right then and there, and if it takes me bleeding my own wrists dry with a knife, so be it. But I'm always able to resist. Recently tho, that exact same urge came back, while holding a razor blade I picked up off the ground while at work. It scared me, because there was very little holding me back that time. And now, last night, I had super intense dreams of feeding, blood, and of others joining in. Of setting up a community out in the middle of nowhere out of a castle, and using the local farming community as livestock. I have never had dreams like this before, and I think it's a final calling, and warning for me to return to my origins. My sire did say years ago, that if I don't feed for a few years, I will deteriorate from the inside out and the urges will become stronger. Let's just say my health, mentally and physically has declined significantly since I stopped...
To put it in short, I need help. I don't know what to do, and to be frank, I'm kinda scared. Finding a donor in the area I live in is next to impossible, small town, Christian. Live kinda far from a city. I can't find any groups in my area. I have a wife who is understanding but is anemic. A pandemic is raging still...I really cannot afford to get sick. I feel like this is the worst time to be having this happen to me... Maybe I just need to tough it out until I can find someone. Psychic feeding does not work for me. Any advice would be helpful, thanks.

by MysticLightShinethForth 24.01.21 8:03

Feeding on your own blood doesn't sound very productive, since it's just a recycling of the same energy.

by 8lou1 24.01.21 8:40

Hi there,
Nice to meet you Very Happy

I hardly know a thing about bloodfeeding, but since you have a wife thats understanding, might it be an idea to use her menstrual blood?

Also:
i don't know the vampire community very well, but there are here who might be able to redirect you towards the proper information. I hope some will chime in here.

Lou

by ardent 24.01.21 10:59

Please be serious and discreet in investigating this vampire community.
One way to know the vampire's world as it was had to based on paranoia - very systemic in the old ways. Many I think became vampires out of fear and systemic pressures bearing states of consciousness much having to do with undivided sex and mind power wondering. Such type of people probably had no knowledge of the human body's energies other than genetic.
Here we have the other kind, they had no real paranoia or fear of vampire ways, they just got caught with the systemic ways and perhaps better such as fear of ornaments and various other fear tactics. First, a real vampire by choice left no footsteps to be noticed. The most joy: getting a mate with real romance abilities and quit the vampire ways perhaps forever - this is part of the old history.
Many today want to become vamps out of curiosity and boredom, from what I gathered it's all temporary till you really master human rights and perhaps the ability to practice mind powers - this is reality from what I gathered after normal death.

by Dextradomis 03.02.21 19:34

MysticLightShinethForth wrote:Feeding on your own blood doesn't sound very productive, since it's just a recycling of the same energy.

Hence why I don't do that, useless.

8lou1 wrote:Hi there,
Nice to meet you
I hardly know a thing about bloodfeeding, but since you have a wife thats understanding, might it be an idea to use her menstrual blood?

Also:
i don't know the vampire community very well, but there are here who might be able to redirect you towards the proper information. I hope some will chime in here.

Lou

My wife is anemic. Even if I wanted to do that, it would not work due to her condition. Plus, she doesn't have a normal cycle due to some other health issues. Overall, not a reliable or even ok source to get energy from. Not being derogatory, that is just the truth.

ardent wrote:Please be serious and discreet in investigating this vampire community.
One way to know the vampire's world as it was had to based on paranoia - very systemic in the old ways. Many I think became vampires out of fear and systemic pressures bearing states of consciousness much having to do with undivided sex and mind power wondering. Such type of people probably had no knowledge of the human body's energies other than genetic.
Here we have the other kind, they had no real paranoia or fear of vampire ways, they just got caught with the systemic ways and perhaps better such as fear of ornaments and various other fear tactics. First, a real vampire by choice left no footsteps to be noticed. The most joy: getting a mate with real romance abilities and quit the vampire ways perhaps forever - this is part of the old history.
Many today want to become vamps out of curiosity and boredom, from what I gathered it's all temporary till you really master human rights and perhaps the ability to practice mind powers - this is reality from what I gathered after normal death.

I would love to know how this relates to the topic at hand, but I honestly have no clue what you are talking about. Maybe lack of knowledge on my part? Thanks.

Personal Update: Anywho, found a website where I could possibly start networking and see if there is a vampire community in the area I'm in. Kinda live far out from any cites, 45min to 1hour long drives to all of them. But...I'll take the chance. Let's see how this goes. Btw, s*&$'s getting worse for me, urges keep coming back, more frequently, for the past hour or so I had to distract myself with music and crypto trading to keep myself from spiraling....Gotta figure something out soon.

by Troublemaker 03.02.21 19:41

Please find a different community. This one is not the right one for you. There are plenty of fluff places online that will give you what you're looking for. This is not one of those places.

by Dextradomis 03.02.21 20:44

I was a freshman in high-school when this all started. So almost 10 years ago to this point. I showed up in a new school on the west coast and met this chick within the first couple of weeks of getting there. We started dating and to say the least she is the reason why I had an awakening. Long story short, I tasted her blood one time when she accidentally cut her finger on something. Started getting headaches, hyper awareness, heightened senses, increased physicality and then that urge...to feed...
It came and went but never truly went away. She helped me through the process, saying she went through a similar process before I met her. Before we broke up a few months later she taught me a few things. One, I will gain some new found ability(s) and learn to control it/them extremely well into the future. Two, that if I tried to stop feeding for long periods of time, it would be extremely detrimental to me in the long run. Three, that there are lineages of vampires all around the world that not many people know or understand. The first two of which have been proven to be true, the last yet to be proven...
I learned how to astral project in my dreams, to the point I showed up in my friends dreams multiple times, for years down the road. I learned to control probability. I was able to on multiple occasions demonstrate to my piers through a coin toss this odd ability. I would be able to either flip for or against what ever someone's guess was, as many times as I wanted to. Or I could say what the coin flip was going to be, before the flip, up to 15 times in a row. Which I later calculated out to be about a 1 in 32,768 chance. (Most recent example was getting into a car accident just two months ago, my car got some cosmetic damage and was still drivable, while the other guy had to get his car towed because his drivers side was so damaged. The angles, the speeds, and timing...Worked too perfectly in my favor. 1 in a couple of million by my estimation.) I even got to the point when I was feeding regularly from another donor about a year later, I was able to mind read to a limited extent. Best I ever got at that time with someone was able to guess what someone was thinking of in about 3 questions. Now a days, for my closest friends and my own wife I am able to completely predict entire lines of thinking and conversation before they even happen, with more than moderate success. By combining probability manipulation with energy sensitivity and increased empathy through my awakening, I was able to work myself into another niche, be it limited. I also am able to predict the near future in a very intuitive manner. It might become stronger if I start feeding again. My own mother back then was a big practitioner in magic, with a large library of books to read from about various studies of it. She helped me somewhat in that field. Learned how to moderate karma, keep bad shit from coming into your home, protecting yourself against hexes and bad stuff like that. Very useful to this day. But...
I haven't fed in....5 years.
And let me tell you, it sucks.
That first girl, she was right. It will pile up on you, like a list of chores you've held off on doing. And it just builds up.
I've only ever had less than 5 donors, I have never fed off of my own wife. It's the equivalent of getting a branding on your soul, and I don't want to do that to her.
Highschool, work, military, and now, holding out....

(Part 2 will come, sooner or later, thank you for reading up until this point. )

by Dextradomis 03.02.21 20:58

Rhea Kaye wrote:Please find a different community. This one is not the right one for you. There are plenty of fluff places online that will give you what you're looking for. This is not one of those places.

I've been in this community for a while, and so have you. 2013, for you, 2014, for me. Glad your original profile got saved in the transition a few years back and saved your join time as well. I wasn't so fortunate. Also, this is the only place I have ever felt comfortable posting about this stuff on, be it all of my previous posts have been deleted for some reason. I guess after a few years things get cleared?
Also, who are you to be gate keeping on a thread that is legitimately only me trying to share my experience in this realm and maybe get some help? Seems a bit...unkind. If you don't like how I post then tell me, don't just straight up reject me because I don't fit into your personal reality or belief system of what vampirism is or should be based off of very little information you gleaned off of two posts from a person you know nothing about. Recommend not doing that in the future or to other people. Please and Thank you.

by Troublemaker 03.02.21 23:31

That remark wasn't meant to be unkind. Simply put, this forum isn't great for what you're looking for. We deal with an entirely different outlook on vampirism that is not suited to this mindset. If you're open to being humble and actually learning about the spiritual, metaphysical side of vampirism, than of course you're welcome. However, this forum has seen so much bullshit over the years from people "looking for blood" that patience easily wears thin.

If you'd like to contribute to the community, I would advise circling back and making a different first approach and starting again. Otherwise you will only spin your tires and leave a bad impression, and most who could actually help you will end up ignoring or scoffing at you.

This isn't gatekeeping but an honest bit of advice.

by Troublemaker 04.02.21 1:45

On the chance that you're truly looking for helpful advice-

The kind of feeding you're talking about is often looked down at by serious circles. Especially the detail regarding your wife. This is a common aspect of feeding among superficial communities, but there is a much deeper side to it that is not usually touched by them. And this involves Ka - the vital energy that blood carries. Blood is very binding, assuming the person actually knows how to properly feed from blood, and not everyone does. Blood forms stronger energetic links than some other types of feeding. It is not something to be taken lightly. The detail about not seeing your wife, who should be the closest person to you, as a suitable donor strikes me as somewhat odd.

Please be wary of people using bullshit terminology on you such as "sire" and "chylde", etc. That is commonly seen as roleplay speak and there are many people who will try to take advantage of you through this. (Source: have been watching the bs unfold for some years now). Anyone who claims to be your sire is bullshitting you, or using you to feed their ego. Even if you disagree with the rest of my message, for the love of all that is decent in this world, please avoid the people who use that terminology. They are a plague to everything honest and founded in reality.

Also, vampiric beings generally tend to have the ability to feed through energetic means as well as blood.

Well, I also feel that many of these issues people have could be solved through non vampiric means, such as simple meditation and the attainment of energetic balance. Through that, you find your inner compass. If you're struggling, there are some really good techniques to help you achieve inner balance, like martial arts related things, Qigong, etc.

Ultimately I'd recommend taking a look at the teachings of the Aset Ka... even if you don't end up resonating with Asetianism (it isn't for everyone) it is the best reference on vampirism that can be found anywhere.

Last but not least.... the deepest aspects of "vampirism" are very far removed from the kind of castle stuff, that whole image conjured by that. Sometimes it takes a lot of energy, focus and determination to avoid being pulled illusion by that.

by Diosiris 09.02.21 11:30

Came here to see if I could help, but Rhea beat me to it. Seriously, OP, heed their advice

by Tehom 11.02.21 21:39

Dextradomis wrote: Over the years I've had moments where the urge to feed comes out of no where, taking over my mind and washing away all of my other thoughts for a minute, before disappearing for another couple of months. It's hard to control though, it's like I must feed, right then and there, and if it takes me bleeding my own wrists dry with a knife, so be it.

One of the most woo-woo things I have ever heard.

Rhea wrote:Last but not least.... the deepest aspects of "vampirism" are very far removed from the kind of castle stuff, that whole image conjured by that. Sometimes it takes a lot of energy, focus and determination to avoid being pulled illusion by that.

I will reiterate that the public Media image itself is illusory. This is risible nonsense. The foundations themselves are not, representing a sacred, spiritual association with certain aspects of the Nightside few creatures possess or even get to observe.
For the majority, it is just yet an additional aspect of their Inner World Maya-delusion.

by arroks150 17.02.21 15:46

I totally understand where your coming from. I usual can go a month or two without blood and then i feel sick, no energy, my aggression levels will spike and i become more instictual when i get the cravings. Like you i dont want a donor as an option. So wait helps me is I go to the store and find beef with the most blood in the package and so far that has been helping me.

by Diosiris 17.02.21 15:53

Such inexcusable nonsense

by Dextradomis 17.02.21 16:47

Hello everyone, just wanted to give an update. Looked into the Aset Ka stuff, and where it comes from, and what the majority of people on this forum think of it. Learned this is more of a spiritual center for those who are lost and have been touched by this reality, to enable them to mature their sense of self and understanding of vampirism along with its origins. This isn't a forum for boo-hoo posts, or "i'm so special look at me" shiz. Which is totally understandable, that stuff is annoying and immature and has been seen a couple of hundred times on here. It's tried and tiring. I introduced myself in a completely in-appropriate way, and I apologize for that. But I would like to move on from that...

I do want to point out something that I haven't mentioned, I do believe that the act of feeding does leave a spiritual imprint of sorts on both the donor and the feeder. Blood feeding leaves the biggest imprint, while energy feeding leaves minute traces...

Which is why I think feeding from my own wife is not an option. She is understanding in only that she knows that this was part of my life years ago. Bringing that back into my relationship with her would not do any good. Maybe I just need to talk to her about it? Maybe that is the more mature thing to do in this situation.

by Diosiris 17.02.21 17:06

You seem to have grown a bit since you posted this thread, although do not underestimate the potency of energetic feeding. While the different between that, blood, and other styles of feeding are merely based on personal preference, you should know that each of them can be devastating.

As for your wife, if you do believe her to be understanding, the best thing to do is to talk to her about this honestly.

Don't slow down in your pursuits for understanding, you've shown the potential to grow, so continue to do so

by Dextradomis 28.02.21 17:00

Quick update, lets just say talking didn't work. Pretty awkward, and didn't do anywhere. Felt like the conversation was quickly diverted away from vampirism and the like...
Also, been having alot more dreams, not the bloody kind I posted about at first, but more about being able to see my true physical and spiritual forms of my vampiric self. They are some of the most pleasant dreams I've had in a very long time.

by Dextradomis 13.03.21 19:24

My wife out of the blue let me feed off of her today, it wasn't much but it was very...powerful. That's the best word I can use to describe it. I feel energetic but worn. I'm sorta drunk at the moment and have a headache so I'll come back later to give the deets. Goodnight all.

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