Introduction (help?)

My name is Nicole Elizabeth, 21 years old, 5'11", black eyes, brown hair, Entertainment Technology major in college. I love music. film, writing, drawing, painting, traveling, etc.

My realization that I was different from most people was when I was seven years old. Feeling... "dead"... disconnected from the world, until you ... I honestly don't know how to describe it "take away" from people. Its really hard to describe, I feel whole when I'm concentrating on people around me and especially with a significant other. (I don't get a "high" like most people unless its an hours or all day thing, but I've noticed the other person often ends up feeling exhausted. Also, my high is not as intense as other people have mentioned it to be in their experiences. I might cough up a smile for the fact that for once I don't feel like a dead door nail.)

At an early age (seven years old) I could read peoples emotions and at about the age of seventeen I realized that if I stare into someones eyes for a minute or so while touching them I could read their past memories, present thoughts, and future "potential" instead of just the average knowing things about people. The connection is stronger with someone I am in a relationship with and as crazy as this all might sound I can actually feel their emotions when they're not around me. I've also been known to leave marks on people by touching them, there is no violent intent, no pressure applied to the person, but just a mere touch and a mark is left. This terrifies me. As if everything else isn't enough to cope with already.

That being said. I've struggled with all of this since I could remember. My nick name for myself is "Freak" and its only been until recently that I've been trying to accept it, but now that I've been trying to accept it... I feel more aware of everything and it freaks me out. I just want to be normal. More than anything, that or to at least understand what the eff is up with me. There have been many instances that people have made it very clear to me that I'm very "different". Yes, I've been to psychologists, but they all say I'm sane, that I'm fine, that I just need to accept myself and move on. That sometimes people are different, with unusual talents... maybe I've just over analyzed everything since I was a child. Who knows.

I think a huge part of my problem is my family. My dad's side of the family is a total mystery to me. My grandparents passed right before I was born, and since my parents divorced at a young age that side really has nothing to do with me anymore. I don't mind since my moms side is amazing, and loving, but they are also very traditional and Christian and here I am, this Misfit that seems to be on a completely different wave link than the rest of them. (They are not ignorant or the type to shove the bible down your throat by any means, but they are still... "average") I've never felt like I've fit in very well at all, and to be honest, I want to be like them. I want to be normal, and fun, and to live a normal life, but theres also this feeling of temporariness to them and I feel permanent.

Idk. I suppose I'm just frustrated and looking for answers. As much as I'm still struggling with myself, I'm still sort of hoping maybe I can find some answers and still open to accepting myself. Does all of this sound vampirish to anyone? Its not like theres a handbook on being weird or just dealing with all of this. Perhaps I'm just talented and sensitive to other people, but what about these marks I leave on people and how in the living hell do I sense people so well that I can tell them certain childhood experiences or thoughts they are thinking without them ever having to say a word to me. Anyway, any intelligent answers or suggestions would be greatly appreciated and looked into. If its determined that I'm just a weird pupil, it's good to be here anyway.

Love,
Nes

Hallo and welcome

I suggest that you take a look around the posts in the forum, 4 there is much good information to find here

When it comes to your abilities... I know you are not alone, but if you are a vampire or not... that I can not answer, that in the end , will be 4 you to figure out suggest you begin with some reading and some meditating

Oh... forgot to say this .

Introductions is usually posted in the off topic section of the forum ... would be nice if @sybil could move the once that are in the vampire treads into off topic please, It would be less messy

Divine 277 wrote:Oh... forgot to say this .

Introductions is usually posted in the off topic section of the forum ... would be nice if @sybil could move the once that are in the vampire treads into off topic please, It would be less messy

Consider it done.

Good Evening, Nes.
What you are asking is a great responsibility and think about the responsibility that none of us will say what you have to do or not. I understand your words and what you want. Certainly, you're a normal person. This forum is dedicated to Asetianism / Vampirism and Ancient mysteries. We are an open-minded community, serious and mature people. We study, learn, and grow everyday because our point is Evolution and dedication, knowledge and wisdom are a main point that makes the undesirable becomes desirable ...

Sybil Mason wrote:

Divine 277 wrote:Oh... forgot to say this .

Introductions is usually posted in the off topic section of the forum ... would be nice if @sybil could move the once that are in the vampire treads into off topic please, It would be less messy

Consider it done.

Thank you <3

I was just looking for help. Understanding. But thank you anyway.

Nes, only you can help yourself. As Stalker said, what you have described is not abnormal or freakish because many of us experience it. This is a realm where the label "normal" is never applied. Strangeness is to abide by a code of behaviour that kills the freedom of spirit, as in most human societies. If you "just want to be normal" you will never be free because you will be chained by that desire. Your abilities are what define you. Your greatest responsibility is to know your Self, without feeding your ego with false hopes or aiming for something you know you'll never be.

So, what's what defines you? whether it's vampirism or something else, it takes a long time to find out and it's the destination of a long personal path of self-discovery.

This said, if you still believe there are no answers for you here, maybe you will find them elsewhere. But you will find much misinformation. Be aware.