Leaving my old self behind

Ever since I discovered Asetianism, a domino effect has been created in my life. It started a process that feels a bit scary. Sometimes it is really easy to see the truth- that there is an entire world beyond what I've been taught by common society to see. But other times, the remains of my old religion pop up and I go on this internal cycle of being afraid. I was raised Christian, and I'm in a small town surrounded by Christians. I can't fully reveal what I feel like I'm becoming to my partner, because he'd be so freaked out by it that he'd probably leave or just become so upset and argumentative that the relationship would be unbearable. I see now, why they say in the beginning of the AB that the path is dangerous. I feel like just reading it has transmuted my soul.

I guess there is something valid behind all those vampire movies you see- when the protagonist becomes something else, their old life falls away. They lose most of their friends and family, and people are afraid of what they've become. (I'm not stating for certain that I'm becoming a vampire, just something... different.) I can sense that my old self is in the process of dying, but I don't know what's underneath that cocoon I think I'm about to shed.

A butterfly who can fly much farther than a caterpillar ever could ^.^.

Welcome to The Path.

Rhea; Khepri, is one of the Pillar of Asetianism and means Transformation. So, I think you're starting to enjoy the path of evolution.

Advise: The changes are not always on the bright side, it's the thing of Yin Yang. Now you feel changes, freedom, strength, but later you feel suffocated. Keeps yourself strong. Many of the users who have been around here when they felt the pressure of freedom and with the possibilities of being themselfs they desist from this path and run away. All this inspiration is pretty cool, I love to see people like you, Inspired. I hope to have you here for many years to share your visions with us.

^yes. and in regards to friends and family- the path is here for you. it is your journey. anyone else will need to be ready and find it on their own like you, I, and many others have. some individuals in this lifetime will never be ready. you're on your way dont let doubt take you down a dead end- rather, just keep going with the flow.

Has feeling a general contempt for people far too invested in the material world been a side effect for anyone else? This feeling has increased since I started studying the AB and I'm not sure if the two are related.
And thank you all for the good advice and encouragement.

What is to far invested ?

I mean those who fail to see the importance of anything besides wealth and possessions. Also, those who are so far buried in their own ego that they can't even understand how to show the simplest courtesy. The people who wear crosses around their necks while talking down on everyone else and failing to carry themselves the way they expect others to... Those are the kinds of people I'm talking about. It seems like the people who are too deep in the material world have an ego that is easier to inflate. And those with massive egos treat other people badly more often... At least this is what it seems like to me.

Before I started feeling like I was "waking up", I sort of made excuses for these people and tried to look past it. Now, all it does is irritate me. I don't know if this is a side effect or not... we'll see.

I agree with you Rhea Kaye and can see what you mean. In my opinion growing in the Asetian path may cause what you are trying to explain. It's inevitable not to feel that sort of detachment for those who are so focused on the material and physical. It comes from growth and our own spiritual development.

I guess spiritual growth comes at a huge price. Now, I walk around feeling incredibly detached and all regular people normally look like herds of mindless livestock (not in the potential blood donor sort of way. lol).

I realize, after reading the AB, that I have been entirely wrong about my concepts of heaven and hell. I now consider hell to be a state of mind, a place where I deny my true Self. It feels like I'm undergoing my own Dark Night of the Soul (Eckart Tolle, anyone? )
Sometimes, when I'm having a difficult day, I start praying and then stop, in an almost confused way. Who am I praying to anymore? Certainly not my previous definition of God. Why would I want to ask God for everything anyway? With spirituality comes a certain degree of new responsibility over yourself, which is why it isn't a popular path. Humans don't seem to like responsibility... if something goes wrong they want to be able to blame it on God, or Satan, instead of themselves and their choices...

well… yes, many do :/
I think we all do to a certain degree … Im guessing its all about finding balance … knowing when it is your fault, and when its not … ( for learning purposes ).

Some people I know, blame them selfs for everything, others have a tendency to blame others…
I don't know what is worse … ? So Im guessing learning to balance is a good way to go …

Its not easy to see truth from another persons point of view, and even if we do see their point, it does not mean one agrees …

However we are able to choose what we use our time on, most of the time …

Now a days; i try to focus on things that makes me smile, makes me happy, and instead of focusing on how bad things are( this goes under problems, inner outer, doesn't mater witch kind ) , I try to focus my attention on a solution …. and trying to find ways that i can help others, ( i like helping others, it gives me joy..to see people smile ( not always… but then again its my problem that i cant draw the line somewhere ) And then Im trying to focus on the little things that I enjoy and makes me happy .

So many many many choices … on how one wants to live once life… however one learns something usually anyway …

I do not want to go around blaming others for my choices … and all my choices are mine to make, its my time and I will chose what to do with it, to the best of my ability … Time is the only thing we spend all the time, and never get back … time is precious.

I do not like to judge … however human beings does have a lot of opinions I do not agree with …

But then again I choose the people that I'm with

Btw: Love Tolle, but didn't think he had something to do with the dark night of the soul .. however maybe he uses it in some content, in his books have not read his books yet but i do like a lot of his writings …

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dark_Night_of_the_Soul.

The Dark Night of the Soul
St John Of the Cross
On a dark night,
Kindled in love with yearnings–oh, happy chance!–
I went forth without being observed,
My house being now at rest.

In darkness and secure,
By the secret ladder, disguised–oh, happy chance!–
In darkness and in concealment,
My house being now at rest.

In the happy night,
In secret, when none saw me,
Nor I beheld aught,
Without light or guide, save that which burned in my
heart.

This light guided me
More surely than the light of noonday
To the place where he (well I knew who!) was awaiting me–
A place where none appeared.

Oh, night that guided me,
Oh, night more lovely than the dawn,
Oh, night that joined Beloved with lover,
Lover transformed in the Beloved!

Upon my flowery breast,
Kept wholly for himself alone,
There he stayed sleeping, and I caressed him,
And the fanning of the cedars made a breeze.

The breeze blew from the turret
As I parted his locks;
With his gentle hand he wounded my neck
And caused all my senses to be suspended.

I remained, lost in oblivion;
My face I reclined on the Beloved.
All ceased and I abandoned myself,
Leaving my cares forgotten among the lilies.

Hmm... that is a very nice poem Really resonated with me- I enjoy stuff like that and I'm definitely a word-nerd. lol.
I think Eckart Tolle had an explanation for the Dark Night of the Soul on his website, although I don't think it appeared in his actual works.
All the stuff you mentioned, I try to do as well. I make an effort to treat people well and help them, although I have issues with brooding on things and dwelling... something I need to work on.