Feeding and Codependency

I believe I am a vampire (at the least, I metabolize energy in a similar way), and have spent much of my willpower and time since my awakening looking for energy sources. I can take energy from miscellaneous people, but it's tiring and unfulfilling. I have spent a lot of time seeking an intimate relationship that would also be my primary energy supply, but am having difficulty doing so, as those I attract eventually discover that I need them for their energy, and/or feel drained by my presence.

When I have an energy source of high quality (from a witch or shaman, for instance), it allows me to access parts of myself I otherwise can't, and to do all kinds of energetic manipulation and spiritual work. With this kind of energy, I am liberated, can see through different dimensions and layers of this dream, and connect to an exquisite sense of joy and lust for existence. Without such an energy source, I can barely retain my emotional balance and desire to live. I love myself, but that is not enough for me to have the capacity to feel joy in isolation from others.

The knowledge that I need others to be fully myself is a heavy weight to bear, as I strive intensely for personal freedom. I fear others can see, as well, the dislike I have of my need to drain and rely on them, which doesn't make it easier to draw them to me.

Do you have any suggestions for how I may find individuals who would provide me with a high quality supply of energy, without being burdened by doing so? How can I reconcile my desire for freedom and self-sufficiency with the need for an external energy source?

first, it sounds like you are feeding without consent. I might have misunderstood but, are you asking these people if they will allow you to take energy from them?

A willing donor should know to expect a bit of tiredness or a drained feeling after allowing us to feed. We should be aware of this, educate a first time donor BEFORE feeding the first time and, care for them after feeding.

Personally, with my current donor, she loves to wrap up in one particular blanket I have, watch a movie with me and, have a glass of my homemade muscadine wine after she allows me to feed. We talk quietly and watch, usually a romance move because that's what she likes (I dislike romance movies but, for her, I watch them.)

You need to find a willing donor, educate them on what to expect and, care for them after feeding so that, though a bit tiring, it is an enjoyable experience for them and, it's done with their full knowledge and consent.

Charby wrote:first, it sounds like you are feeding without consent. I might have misunderstood but, are you asking these people if they will allow you to take energy from them?

I did ask the last donor, but it still ended poorly. I instinctively care for those I take energy from, but in this case it wasn't easy, as it was long-distance. He made no mention of being burdened or hurt until after a few weeks had gone by, at which point he decided to abruptly cut the link instead of trying to readjust.

Ah, trying to maintain a permanent link is draining, even if you aren't feeding, keeping the link takes its toll on both of you.

Even though I myself have to feed, I RARELY allow others to feed from me but, whether I am feeding or donating, I cut the link when it is done. It's better than risking either draining the other inadvertently.

Next time try a schedule, as I have with my donor. I will not feed from her except in my home, at the time we agreed upon. Otherwise, I will block myself if she is not blocking me.

I know non human sources aren't as good, but, if you need to sustain yourself on those in between donor feedings. I do. I don't need to be at my peak 24/7/365. I can manage on other sources and, avoid over taxing my donor or, being a disruption in her life.

You can't simply take form a donor at will, ONLY when they allow. Sooner or later they will be overly stressed, suffer an illness or, some other reason that means you can't feed when you need to - we have to learn to make do on other sources and, treasure the gift a donor gives us, and not take too much nor too often for the comfort of the donor.

Thanks, Charby, for your helpful answers.

Any suggestions for where and how to find energy donors? Are there any Concubines on this forum who are open to energy exchange with other members?

Yes Veiled One, it isn't difficult to find willing energy donors, or more often givers in any circle or coven of magick practitioners, Wiccan, Druid, Shaman, or whatever other paths they might follow. Many of those energy workers intentionally draw excess energy form nature, or generate it themselves and, they need to ground to release that excess when the work or spell is done. I've never had them object when I explain myself and, ask to be the ground for them.

Why not? They need to get rid of excess energy, and, I need more energy, it's a perfect solution. Normally they would ground to the earth but, it's just as easy for them to ground to us and, send us the excess energy, just be ready for a bit of overload if there are two or more grounding to you during a ritual and, don't allow more than two to use you as a ground unless you know how to ground to the earth and, dispel energy that way - with a full circle or coven, you may need to ground yourself - severe overload can be just as painful as need, a different sort of discomfort, but neither is pleasant. Now a small overload, that's a wonderful high for a little while, and quite enjoyable but, beyond that, it's no good.

I will look into it, but I don't know of any circles or covens in this area. Any other suggestions?

Beyond that, there are sites withing the realm of lifestylers, psi vamps and, black swans that have donor listings. Just do a search for "Real Vampire Forum" and, you will find the places like Sanguinarius, Vampire Rave, BlackSwanHaven.

I avoid them because they are filled with liars and role players that only wish they were vampires and, have no concept of what it actually means to be one of us.