Cycles we all go through

Greetings

I have been a bit introspective for over these days, thinlong about some things. Maybe it is the end of the year, that brings that sensation of ending a cycle. We start reviewing what we did, and what we didn`t. What would be our plans for the next year, or what we wuld just let flow.

As a coincidence, I was organizing my bedroom today, and I found some old diaries. There were things I wrote in 2013, that were similar things I am going through again, but under a different perspective. It was interesting reading my words, what I was "telling myself"about my conflicts at that time, and about what I thought I should do.

Revisiting those thoughts made me smile, made me analyse in which ways I have improved myself, and which ones I need to focus better.

I have mentioned in another post how I appreciate this forum, and reading old topics, and seeing how much some here have changed, I enjoy reading your opinions, your discoveries, and the nice connection some got as a group. I believe there were many things that happened over these years.

I was thinking then, not about a question to be answered, but just a moment for us to think about ourselves, how was this year for you? or even how is the Journey? How much have you changed, your struggles, your moments of ordeals and despair, and moments of happiness and peace?

As I said, not a question to be answered here, just if some would feel comfortable in sharing... But I just felt moved about this.

Many of us have began a Journey of Self knowledge and development some years ago, others quite recently, but it does not matter. There is always a transformation that happens. So I really place my admiration and respect for each one of you, that decided not to stay at the comfor zone, at the matrix, at the "just as it is"life, and made a move towards being better.

My respect and my gratitude, as we always learn from each other.

2017 has been a year of connections for me, and of disconnections. Mostly with people. I've removed some annoying, useless or those who were dragging me down from my life and, I've reconnected with old friends. A family member who has a habit of playing hermit for years at a time has re-emerged and, he and I are as close as ever so, that's a positive thing.

Of course it hasn't all been good, I find myself growing beyond my partner far enough that we are talking of divorce now, perhaps in a month or two, when the taxes for this last year are done and, we have the refund from that to pay the attorney. Not that anything will change for me when that happens. We have kept separate bedrooms for four years now and, it isn't lack of love but rather my lack of interest in the temporary nature of the relationship that brought that about. He would remain, as my housemate and, be free to pursue another lover, if that's his wish.

He doesn't see the point of moving out now, he is entirely human and, knows he has perhaps ten or fifteen years at most to live. He is a decade older than my physical body, though now, most that don't know us assume I am his daughter, the appearance of age on each of us is that striking now. In fact, my step daughter, twenty two years my junior looks older than I do now. She did appear near my age when I wed 10 years ago but, she shows her age and I do not show it nearly so much.

I don't think I could bear stalling, staying in my comfort zone. What is there to learn or gain there? Nothing. I crave new experiences, new knowledge and, new understanding and, staying where I am is not going to get me any of that. To find something interesting, I have to be interesting and, sameness, repetition of the same day after day is not interesting to anyone, myself included.

New may be as simple as a new plant in my garden that I have never grown before or as diverse as living elsewhere in the world for a time. I haven't decided yet but, I'm not going to allow myself to stagnate in the familiar and comfortable.

I've had my moments of happiness, of despair as well in the last year, but in the end, it comes down to learning acceptance of what must be in order for me to grow and so, that's where I am, I may not have enjoyed all of it but, I have grown and, that's what matters.

correcting

*thinkinb about some things
*would just let flow