Inpiring and other gifts

"They allure to anyone's senses and awaken their most inner desires, fears, and emotions."

"This kind of inspiration, promoted by the vampire himself, is not always something obscure and unexplainable, but actually metaphysical."

"The ability to inspire feelings, thoughts and emotions is also a very powerful tool, especially in social interaction, which should be used with caution."

I can honestly say this says a great deal to me without having to type the whole paragraph. I also can say over a year ago, I would have thought this a load of bs. But I now know better. It also says, "it is beings of chaos", so this being said can I assume this to be a gift normally done by the Lineage of the Concubine since it states they deal more with chaotic energy. I could be wrong, which in part is what I am asking. Which line is more prone to use this? Next question is why would one use this ability, torure? And thirdly, I've tried everything I know, but the best I've come up with is being able to send it back, so how does one go about stopping it?

I have experienced this and in most cases the only inspiration I want to feel is that which is coming from my spouce and not while I'm driving down the road, so intensely I almost can't think straight. Desires, thoughts, feelings, emotions, fears, I have had the extinctive pleasure of feeling all of these very intensely. And they have no quams about when or where this is done.

I have also had the wonderful pleasure of learning about time displacement which is not fun at all. One minute you are in one place and a second later, your some where else, in this case crashing into a gate you've been in and out of four times a day for five years, I had fun trying to explain that to my boss. Or almost missing a whole strip of road you traveled down with no rhyme or reason as to why or how it happened. Or looking at the road in front of you, it looking clear so you start to emerge, to look again and finding it isn't at all. One person told me it was because I was completely drained and just needed energy. This is why it was happening.

The next thing I'm curious about is smells, how do they come about. How can you make an entire thirty-five foot vehicle smell like roses, a candy store or cookies. And not in a fun way. A way that isn't pleasant but sickening. I had the mechanic check it out, he thought maybe they stuck something on the heating coil, guess what, they didn't. We checked everything out and found nothing. We left the windows open for days, it didn't help. I thought the kids and I both were going to get sick it was that bad. I get migraines on a regular bases as is, this didn't help.

In the pagan community in which I've practiced and studied, there isn't much I haven't been able to figure out or how to stop. However when I got my most unpleasant wake up call over a year ago, I learned there was way more to it, things I was blind to. Now I can honestly say I don't have the answers and am I need of many. I also now think I understand my priestess when she said I was of the darkness and needed to stay in the light, the darkness would find me. She did a great deal to make me only follow the light, but as the AB said, there is no dark or light path, magick knows no color. You can't lead a life of complete light and be fullfilled, nor can you lead it in darkness and expect the same. There has to be an equality of both. When I read that, I wanted to bop her in the head with the book, hard. I couldn't have agreed more. Nor could I tell you how many times she called me over to fullfill certain things for her that wasn't so full of the light, nor can I tell you how many times she asked me to give her energy so she could do things she needed to do, though I wasn't allowed to do the same. I didn't care though. I didn't have to. Most things come natural for me. What doesn't is the thngs I don't understand, things that have happened recently. I wasn't allowed to practice the "dark arts" because it scared my priestess, said it was too easy for me. Now I am confrontd by things I don't know and don't understand, I am lost and clueless. Evrything I know is wrong, everything I believed is wrong. I am not who I thought I was for all these years, so where do i go from here? And every time I think 've finally figured something out, I'm proven I'm still ignorant. Blessed Be.