The nature of your Soul.

Unfortunately, you cannot. The Aset Ka only provided us with the information that was available within the Asetian Bible, on the subject of Anubian Keepers. Hopefully there will be more information about the Keepers within future versions of the Asetian Bible.

Aghrab

What does one have to do in order to be initiated/illuminated/awakened as Guardian or Anubian keeper?

That is a very complex question, as small as it may seem. You cannot force yourself to awaken, since it is a natural part of the Asetian and Keeper's life. What can be done in the process, however, is to keep a spiritual life, enlightening yourself with the light of Asetianism, or in other words... simply surround yourself with what you are able to reach for and grasp, without forcing yourself to awaken or expect any sudden changes. High expectations, when mixed with so much desire to be an Asetian, a Keeper or a vampire in general, can sometimes lead to illusions and false roads. It is best to let only time reveal what is hidden, if there is anything hidden. For Asetians and Keepers, in time everything begins to fall in place and make more sense.

Aghrab

That is very true Aghrab. Perhaps I'm more susceptible to physically affecting myself with my desires, but when I wanted to be a vampire, or when I wanted to be Asetian, every symptom and trait would begin presenting itself. I have to be careful, because even indirect desires will imprint themselves into my being, leading to massive stages of confusion and feelings of importance that are completely unearned. I think the key is to stop wanting to be anything, and just accept yourself as yourself. Labels are kind of pointless anyhow, because I don't think hardly anyone really knows anything about their true nature. That's something that has to be worked on for a lifetime or more.

But hey, I'm still young, so I'll attribute my rapidly changing everything to that. I assume that being at such a maleable age is what makes me so susceptible to my mind, and even though many times I can't control it, being aware of changing like that can be helpful in staying stable.

A small thought that I wish to throw out there...

I have noticed the number of people who participated in this poll as of this moment is 40. 19 out of those 40 participants have said they think that are Asetians, Sethians or other forms of vampires... and I am more than sure that not that many of those 40 people are vampires. So what I am wondering is why do humans always tend to be so humiliated of their own nature? It seems like people are too closed minded sometimes to realize that being a human is not a negative thing. There are many forms of humans... the evolved, which can earn their respect among vampires, and the unevolved, who end up getting used and thrown away. Even Asetians, who we all admire, are surely close allies with humans who are evolved and earned their respect by loyalty.
This issue is more evident if you look at the “Vampire Realm” forum, if that is what people call that place... the vast majority of the users there assume they are vampires, and ironically, most of them are undoubtedly the unevolved form of human beings.

So my question, to whoever wishes to answer, is if you are a human and know so... do you, and why would you, feel ashamed of it?

I do not feel ashamed of being human, but I do feel an odd feeling whenever someone says I might only be good for being loyal to an Asetian. It's hard to describe, it spawns from the solar plexus area of my torso and gives me a highly defiant position. I get the urge to hurt whoever wants me to be loyal because of birth-right. I wish to be useful, but not because I have loyalty to anyone. I want to be useful because I want to do it. Even if it offends people of this site, I say screw any Asetian who thinks they are so high and mighty that they deserve my loyalty. I'll go my own way.

Do not get me wrong, did I mention anyone having to be loyal to the Asetians? I am only mentioning people who want to be near the Asetians, in this case, and therefore assume that they are one of them.

And personally I find it a bit childish and harsh, your saying of “Screw any Asetian who thinks they are so high and mighty that they deserve my loyalty. I'll go my own way.” The Asetians need no human's loyalty out of blind faith, and they are certainly mighty and high... they are Gods. However, whoever shows them true loyalty, I assume, will not be left unseen and ignored.

I'm just saying, just because they are Asetian, and supposedly Gods in human form, doesn't mean I'll be giving them special reverence for being what they were born as. I have problems with loyalty, maybe from adolescent pride, but I can only be loyal to people I deeply respect. So I won't be showing any loyalty to beings who I know nothing about personally. No one here even knows what an Asetian might be like, aside from a very general work by an assumed Asetian (assumed by most of us here, though you could argue that Marques implies it strongly).

Sorry if I came across a bit odd before. I get those sensations and it's as if I'm on drugs. I don't know what I'm gonna say or do. If there was an edit button I would be fixing what I say so often, but that's also why there isn't one.

Isn't it quite strange, now, Daniel, that you say this about loyalty being so conditional? Only a few months ago you began to post in the forum, and one of your first posts within the “Which Lineage Inspires You?” thread, you said “I suppose right now the scorpions, guardians inspire me. I'm kind of weirder out actually, because the description is so spot on to everything about me. I mean everything.”... and to my understanding, if there is a tittle that can describe the Guardians, it would be “unconditional loyalty”... So, without trying to sound pressuring, I do not think it makes much sense what you said before compared to what you say now, which is “I have a problem with loyalty.”. I think if anyone wishes to assume that they are like the Guardians, and have deep respect for the AK, would be loyal to them without expecting anything in return. That is what I see a Guardian being like.

Anyways... I am not sure about the rest of this community, now that you brought up this subject of your thoughts about being loyal to the Aset Ka... but personally, I would give my life to the AK if I had the chance to. It would be my honor to give my like to the AK. I don't believe I am blind, to have this emotion towards the Asetians... Am I the only one who has this feeling?

I have it sometimes. It's hard to explain how my mind functions. It's really as if I function on a few completely different personalities, which value different things and say things with a bit of variation. I do sometimes have this inadvertent feeling of loyalty. Then I question it and act like a rebellious teen. Then I look back at myself and wonder what the hell I was thinking both times, like right now. I'm told that it can't be multiple personality however, because I am aware that something is different afterward, and that I would have total blackouts if I was indeed harboring multiple personalities. I almost think of my personalities as colors. Sometimes I'm green, sometimes I'm blue, and sometimes I'm gray. No idea what triggers what, but it happens. Sorry if I said anything stupid.

For your own evolution and growth, it is best to, sooner or later, decide on who you are or want to be. It isn't healthy or smart to always allow your personality to shift from X to Y to Z... That certain characteristic is what allows an individual to be seen as unreliable, untrustworthy, and in harsher moments, unevolved.

I see. How would you suggest I learn to control it? Each one is useful sometimes, so I don't want to hinder myself by forcing only one to ever be present. I occasionally experience all of them at once, and it lets me multitask like crazy, but I can't say I can suppress them or stop the shifts... I'm uncertain what would happen if I tried, so I don't know if I should. I will outright say though, while I am reliable to do what I'm asked, I am not trustworthy because of how often I change. As for level of evolution, I don't know whether anyone can really gauge that themselves. I think evolved is sometimes used to refer to maturity of the mind, rather than maturity of the soul.

Meditation by far is one of the best ways to control such personal situations. This is also a point where age, maturity and experience certainly matters and plays a great role... That is the best I can recommend towards such a problem.

Gilded, as you stated, it certainly is a case of 'sooner or later'. But the inevitable swing between mindsets is bound to happen as an individual discovers new things about themself. Part of evolution is being able to recognise this, and analyze changes that occur within them.
To be able to stand back and map out the deeper reasons for ones personality, and have the Will to change elements of it to better suit the purpose of ones true Higher Self, is the beginnings of evolution. I personally find it more of a trustworthy and reliable attribute in someone if they have this ability to be objective about themself, and the willingness to change what detriment has been learned over time.

I'm simply at a loss of understanding of myself. Every time I think I've grasped it, something changes and I get thrown for a loop all over again. I'll meditate on it, but I get the intuitive feeling that this changing aspect of me won't change. I feel like it's a ground in part of who I am, and isn't a problem, but simply something I need to learn to understand and be completely aware of, so that I don't make outbursts like I did.

Very well said, Talibah.

Personally, Daniel, I am already seeing an evolution in you. These are things you will come to understand much better with thime and that will only add to your wisdom.

Quite an interesting discussion here about loyalty, although the topic that was mentioned by Daniel and the others, was what caught my attention... the constant change of personality. I have to say that such an issue is not only a way for a certain person to be seen as unreliable, but also is quite a dangerous characteristic, that can get the individual himself hurt, severely, if he or she does not take control of this within their own personality.
In some subtle ways, this is the problem that some Concubines face, who do not have a naturally 'rock solid', and decided personality on certain subjects. It is best to take care of something so serious before the individual ends up in a situation where they are condemned by everyone and seen as the negative tittles already mentioned.

Aghrab

Very true Aghrab, but do you not agree that the fact one is questioning their personality, and not simply taking it as it comes in blind faith, is a positive sign?

The point I am trying to make is that, whilst an unstable personality may be seen to be unreliable and untrustworthy, if the individual can recognise this trait within them, and work at resolving it, then that reliability towards them must surly increase. Along with their trustworthyness - since they would show that they are able to listen and take constructive advice from those more stable. Such as in the case of Concubines, who rely on the guidance of the other two Lineages.

Talibah wrote:Very true Aghrab, but do you not agree that the fact one is questioning their personality, and not simply taking it as it comes in blind faith, is a positive sign?

In some cases, yes, I do agree that it can be a positive sign, since that keeps an individual from falling in belief for something too early in stage. In other cases, where the individual has been in a certain path for too long without any signs of a more decided mind, is where I cannot see that as a positive sign. That means the person is too undecided, or cannot choose and figure out who they indeed are. This would call out for immediate self-realization work before it gets out of hand. And keep in mind that I am not referring now to Daniel, but to anyone struggling with this serious problem.

Aghrab

I would agree with that also, Aghrab.
A sort of spiritual deadlock, so to speak. It surly takes some determination (and a level of self-realization to recognise the problem) to draw oneself out of that...and to have the courage to ask for advice and help in resolving it.

Surely, it is wise to seek help from more spiritually evolved people in such a matter, however the true help that the individuals going through such a problem, really lies within themselves...

Aghrab

Thanks for the advice everyone. I think I've figured out what it is. See, before I awakened, what I describe as when I woke up from my drawn out depression, I dealt with every situation as it came with completely unbiased thinking. Literally having no opinions on things, and only looking for a rational solution. This was pretty much my default mode for a very long time. Since I awakened, my Self has been developing and becoming more concrete. I was able to write up a good amount about myself already that doesn't change with the apparent personality change.

From what I can tell, it's not actually a personality change per-say. What happens is I actually forget who I am and revert back to default mode, where I get emotional about anything that doesn't make sense to me, such as what appeared to be blind loyalty to an order's hierarchy. It was a misunderstanding that triggered it, and it's the same thing which sometimes puts me at ends with my brother, although his really is a pointless issue. He does drugs and becomes defensive and violent about everything you say to him, and in return I get emotional and snappy with my responses because he's doing something with no rationale.

So, I do have a sense of self, though it is sometimes hard to grasp because of my mind's constant veering towards forgetfulness, and I think that this will help me in the end to develop a solid framework of who I am. From this point on, I'll make it a requirement that every time I go to say something, I will remember who I am, and what I think about things. Hopefully I won't do anything rash again. I don't think I will unless I'm drugged, but even then, I have a strong will, so I guess it's just a matter of waiting to see if this will work.

Daniel, there is something I am not understanding, in what you say...

When Gilded asked the question of “If you are human, why do you feel ashamed?”, you answered “I am not ashamed of being human.”... and now you speak of having awakened, and I assume you mean a vampire's awakening. If by “I awakened”, you are referring to the vampire's awakening, rather than “I realized something”, then it simply makes no sense to say that you are “not ashamed of being a human”...

Aghrab