Odd nightmare after reading Kenneth Grant

I've finished Against the Light, and am currently reading Nightside of Eden (I'm on chapter 5), maybe it has nothing to do with it but all I could think after I woke up was about theses two.

Fell asleep around 9 or 10 am, woke up for an undetermined time before falling back to sleep, though as I closed my eyes I saw a symbol of floral, or some other design I can’t quite put a name to, they were circular with the designs inside being round or more rigid (It was either different discs or just one by itself spinning and expanding/constricting)  flashed rapidly in my eye (my right eye seemed to absorb most of the images, my left eye saw nothing it felt) for what seemed like several seconds (at some point it seemed like it melted into a tunnel of gray) before a brief glimpse of what I think was a woman with many insectoid eyes, but only her head and shoulders could be seen. I think she was smiling, or possibly laughing, couldn’t tell really, at this point I started to become fearful and tried to wake up – actually no, I tried to wake up before I saw Her, during what felt like the symbol turning into a tunnel, but to no avail. When I did finally wake up from seeing her, I did but awoke into a kind of sleep paralysis, at first I got nervous because I couldn’t seem to start moving but after a few moments of wiggling toes and fingers I was able to get going again, fell back asleep shortly after that. The weirdness of it all didn’t hit till I woke back up.


Sorry if this makes no sense, just wanted some advice on if it was just a dream, or if I came into contact with that specific current by showing interest.

something very similar, although not exactly, I can relate to.   I got out of bed and stood up beside it.  Instantly a whirling vortex appeared in front of me and a female appeared.  I knew her not at that time....I do now.  She said move into the vortex.  Instantly I made my mind up to enter and I did.  I do not recall anything afterwards but the next morning I awoke and I was in bed.  Got out and went about my business as usual.  I now am delighted at what I has taken place in my life because of entering the vortex in front of me.  I have been told to go to a certain place and create it for a certain reason ....   which did happen several different times and I discovered how it works for that purpose.   Then, recently I came across an individual where her ex  hanged himself in their garage and for the past two years has given her and her family nothing but hell trying to kill her.  After looking at the situation I was given the knowledge of what to do with this spirit being and also the spirit that lived inside him while he was here.  I created a vortex on the night of the full moon and sent the being into it and directed it to move on in the journey as well as cutting the ties with the spirit.   At that time, the problem with the lady ceased completely and even the neighbor kids enter the house now and say how much there is a different feel about the house... they say something has changed and did she buy an air freshner...lol.  He is gone and she has her life back.  But another mystic read the tarot and told the lady to call a priest to deliver her.. Lol..    I say all this external info for the simple reason to show that if I had not entered the vortex with no questions asked, I do not think I would have the knowledge to deal with that spirit that others were frightened of.  I would have gone around in circles like they did, trying to figure out how to deliver peace to a very disturbed situation.  But be certain, everyone has different ways to deal with life experiences.  Yours is strange as well.

She did the right thing going to you instead of the priest, they don't seem to have good track record of keeping things final in those situations.

And I think I understand, it was just the utter lack of movement or control I felt, which in my normal dreaming is the usual, but everything about this felt different (that could be because its was a new nightmare, so it feels more off than my usual), so I felt vulnerable and broke away.

I have had experiences somewhat similar. In the recent year though, these experiences have more or less doubled. I'm not sure what has changed, precisely, other than renewed devotion to my spiritual path and studies. I don't think I've poked at things I shouldn't have. Then again I guess it's possible to still attract attention simply by being in certain areas. Regardless, for whatever reason, sleep paralysis episodes and being completely lucid while in the "inbetween" has been occuring at an alarming rate with me lately. This, within the last three months, has been accompanied by sudden rushing feelings of faintness at random times, as well. I'm not sure that these are related - it's most likely a purely physical issue in all truth, but it started right after my worst experience yet with this.

I've always had bad luck with astral travel. I'm not competent when it comes to it, and in my dream state I have the bad habit of forgetting that I do have the means to protect myself. Especially when I'm confronted with the things that truly disturb me. I don't consider myself a coward by any means, but everyone has things that give them pause. These things tend to show up quite often when this happens, which is troubling to me. At least I know how to default back to reality - I used to have significant trouble breaking the cycle - which, as you might imagine, was utterly terrifying.

The worst experience to date though happened just a scant four months ago. It was random, no warning at all. We had been having some problems with spiritual activity in the house. Nothing major, just the intense sensation of being watched and the general feel of malevolence. Nothing demonic, but something different than the typical spirit. Whatever it was may have followed us there from a place called Moonville - which was the site of a great tragedy. Normally, I avoid those instinctively. I made an exception on several occasions, however, because I know someone who is a complete idiot who dabbles and thinks he's in control when he's not. I'll sum it up by saying he's completely delusional and thinks he has some tie to the place, some spiritual obligation to hold up a mystical bridge or whatnot. It's utter nonsense, just another example of how imagination can corrupt fact, and the source of a great number of my headaches the past year.

Needless to say, out of a sense of decency, I tried to persuade him to not go, and then when he pressed on like a fool, I accompanied him and let him do as he would. I did not participate or draw any undue attention, I went to make sure he didn't come to any harm. Spiritual danger is not the only danger. It's a dangerous place to hike, with unstable footing, holes, slippery rocks - and a deep river all the way along side you for most of the hike, and the walkway is narrow, and the bank likes to crumble under your feet as you walk. And he goes in the dead of night, without a flashlight, or any other means to protect himself. Needless to say, against his wishes I used a flashlight (he gave me some bullshit about unnatural light harming him and tainting his magic or whatever) and my pistol in case a coyote (I would like to point out that this place is in the middle of nowhere, with no people around to help, and coyotes are EVERYWHERE) got a little frisky.

So, yeah, I'm sleeping, minding my own business. And then I get pulled into a dream that's not a dream. I know immediately something is wrong - the entire scenario feels fabricated, and not by my own mind. I believe that all dreams are messages from your subconscious as a way for you to work through things, puzzle things out. It's like you're reviewing your experiences through a different pair of glasses, because your logical, conscious mind doesn't process things the way your subconscious does, in my opinion at least.

There is a bird in this dream, and my current boyfriend, who is normally caring and honestly overprotective of me starts laughing when it attacks me. I hate birds, honestly. They're dirty, and I have a slight bird phobia. I don't understand why, I just....ugh. Anyway, this cements the fact that something is horribly awry. It just doesn't feel...right. And my certainty turns solid, and in an instant I'm aware, and in control of the dream, and heavily on the defensive.

I say, "You're not my boyfriend," and try to change the dream, but I cant. It was like the equivalent of expecting my hands to come into contact with clay, and meeting concrete.

The thing/image or whatever that was pretending to be Dakota simply smiled - I noticed then that it's eyes were cold and pretty much empty. I couldn't meet it's gaze for long. I'll admit to being scared shitless by this point, so I had to think fast.

I stumbled by way through some admittedly clumsy defense attempts - "phasing" in and out of different places while the scenario was changing around me. I don't know why the dream I was locked in changed. It's possible that me outing the fact that it was real and becoming aware weakened it's hold. But it was warping the scenarios around me, trying to lock me into another one. Long story short, I literally had to scream myself awake.

And even as my consciousness was back in our bedroom, my spirit back in my body, I was still stuck - I could see something sitting in the computer chair across the room, and it spun around. It looked like this guy I met in college.

A note about him - he was a total sleaze who had a lot of anger and hate and bitterness. He might have had actual power, I don't know - but he preferred to go to others who claimed to have power (some of them might have too, don't know.) for example, a self-proclaimed "Black Shaman." I met the shaman and immediately felt he was rotten to the core and avoided him after than initial meeting. He might not have been powerful, might have been full of shit for all I know, but he was dark, mentally.

Anyway, the first guy, let's call him "A", was a total sleaze who had fixated on one of my friends. He didn't take no for an answer, and fabricated a bunch of stories that made it seem like she had been cruel to him. He used these stories to justify what he wanted to do to her - I doubt he had the connections to do half of what he said (for example, he once point blank told me he was going to have her kidnapped and sold in human trafficking) but I sure as hell wasn't going to risk it.

I put so many wards on that girl that it physically drained me; and then I arranged...well, I arranged him getting booted out of the school. It was underhanded, but extreme circumstances dictated that it was necessary for my friend's protection. He was just a bad thing to have there, period. It succeeded in removing him from the situation, and I knew that he knew it would be me. I didn't mind, because that would take the heat off of the people that helped me.

He called me a day after the cops came to his door and told me that he would make sure I paid for it.

Well, what I saw in the computer chair was wearing his face, and it started to say "Hi, my name's -" and then I started screaming, and didn't stop until I was awake.

I don't scream - this, I would like to say, was the first time I have ever screamed out of fear.

So, needless to say, shit got real and I wasn't prepared for it.

Anddd....that ended up being waayy longer than I thought it would be. Sorry for the rambling.

The only advice I have for you, personally, is to always trust your instincts. If I listened to my logical mind in any scenario like this, I would probably be dead. Trust your intuition, meditate, etc, and eventually you will discover the meaning behind all of this.

I've only experienced this dream the one time, but every once in awhile the memory hits me and I try to research exactly what I met. My findings led me to believe it might have been a representation of Kali (I don't remember how many eyes she had but I do remember one on her forehead, & the floral patterns that I saw before being sucked into the grey tunnel/portal are similar to a lot of designs that show them when depicting her) the only question I still can't seem to answer is why. That's my own fault though, due to me not exactly keeping up with my studies (I still float between non belief & belief when it comes to the Occult of any kind).

Anything I try to find to point me in a general direction seems to just be someones own experience (which is fine and gives some insight into why she might have contacted me, but still tells me nothing), or just a description of the her.

I guess what I'm asking is whats a good source to look at for more extensive info